How I Met Your Mother – “The Best Man” Quotes

Quotes from the season premiere of “How I Met Your Mother”

 Episode: “The Best Man”

Ted:  Timing is everything

Ted: Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, you assume there’s at least 1 dead hooker in the closet, right?

Ted:  Marshall really took a two flusher on that one.

Ted:  The happy couple needs to hear this. Things end. But from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce, hope can rise anew.

Barney:  Single file ladies, no fatties.

Barney: Get ready Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was LeBron James.

Barney:  Escaped manslaughterers — not sexy.

Lilly:  In 9 months, I’ll be pushing a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby out of my h00-ha.  I think papa can manage a few extra cocktails.

Lilly: Hakuna Matata

Barney:  Shamelessly plug yourself, so you can shamelessly plug, let’s say, that.

Marshall:  All I want to do is put her little feet in my mouth.

Robin: To tell you how I feel about you… I know we didn’t work out the first time… and I know it doesn’t make any sense…. but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together …. is there any part of you that wants to try again?

Marshall:  There’s babies everywhere. It’s like a minefield of cuteness.  Look at this little bastard.

Lilly:  This son a bitch has knee dimples.

Robin:  I’ll make you a deal. You go first and then I’ll stick with my thing about not talking about it.

Ted:  I used to believe in destiny, you know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week, and I’d think, “Wow, hey, maybe she’s the one?!” And now I think “I just know that bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat everything bagel.”

Ted:  No, it’s more than that. I’ve stopped believing. Not in some depressed, “I’m gonna cry during my toast” way, not in a way I even noticed until tonight, it’s just everyday I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks.

Robin: You’re Ted Mosby. You start believing again.

Ted:  In what…destiny?

Robin: Chemisty. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.

Ted: What’s that?

Robin: Timing….but timing’s a bitch.

Marshall:  This isn’t a meltdown. These are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends cause he’s the best guy I know.