Quotes from the season premiere of “How I Met Your Mother”
Episode: “The Best Man”
Ted: Timing is everything
Ted: Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, you assume there’s at least 1 dead hooker in the closet, right?
Ted: Marshall really took a two flusher on that one.
Ted: The happy couple needs to hear this. Things end. But from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce, hope can rise anew.
Barney: Single file ladies, no fatties.
Barney: Get ready Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was LeBron James.
Barney: Escaped manslaughterers — not sexy.
Lilly: In 9 months, I’ll be pushing a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby out of my h00-ha. I think papa can manage a few extra cocktails.
Lilly: Hakuna Matata
Barney: Shamelessly plug yourself, so you can shamelessly plug, let’s say, that.
Marshall: All I want to do is put her little feet in my mouth.
Robin: To tell you how I feel about you… I know we didn’t work out the first time… and I know it doesn’t make any sense…. but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together …. is there any part of you that wants to try again?
Marshall: There’s babies everywhere. It’s like a minefield of cuteness. Look at this little bastard.
Lilly: This son a bitch has knee dimples.
Robin: I’ll make you a deal. You go first and then I’ll stick with my thing about not talking about it.
Ted: I used to believe in destiny, you know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week, and I’d think, “Wow, hey, maybe she’s the one?!” And now I think “I just know that bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat everything bagel.”
Ted: No, it’s more than that. I’ve stopped believing. Not in some depressed, “I’m gonna cry during my toast” way, not in a way I even noticed until tonight, it’s just everyday I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks.
Robin: You’re Ted Mosby. You start believing again.
Ted: In what…destiny?
Robin: Chemisty. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.
Ted: What’s that?
Robin: Timing….but timing’s a bitch.
Marshall: This isn’t a meltdown. These are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends cause he’s the best guy I know.